Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) Read online

  “It’s okay. I haven’t really gotten the opportunity to really work yet. All I did yesterday was learn how to set up. Tonight I’ll be there when there’s more of a crowd, so we’ll see.” I start shoveling food into my mouth. It tastes so good that it feels like I haven’t eaten in a week.

  “I’m sure you’ll do fine. You said you’ve done bartending before right?”

  “Yeah, I worked in a restaurant that had a bar for four years in college. Actually, that’s what helped pay my way through school.” I decide to sneak another piece of bacon and another scoop of eggs.

  “See, you know what you’re doing. It may get rowdy there sometimes, but most of the guys that go there are generally good natured. It’s not often that things get out of hand. You just have to know when to let things slide and when to stand up for yourself.”

  Ha! That’s just the thing. I’m terrified of standing up for myself. All it’s gotten me in the past is more pain. But I don’t tell Anna that. All I can do is hope that the need for such bravery never comes up and that if it does I can handle it and not have a panic attack.

  A few minutes later Nitra comes back to our table to refill our coffee. “How long are you in town this time, Nick?” She asks while refreshing my mug.

  Nick finishes chewing the huge bite of eggs he just stuffed in his mouth and answers, “I head back out at the beginning of next week.”

  “Oh wow, that must be a huge bummer for you, Anna. Didn’t you just get back in town a couple days ago?”

  Anna pouts her lips and says, “Yes. I hate it. Every time he leaves I want to pull my hair out. I swear one of these days I’m going to surprise him and just pack up and go with him.”

  Nick leans over and rests his forehead on Anna’s and says, “Ah, Anna, you know it kills me to leave you.”

  “I know,” Anna sighs and gives him a sad smile.

  Nick reaches up to cup Anna’s face and rubs her cheek with his thumb. “I love you, Anna Banana.”

  She reaches up to place her hand on top of his and replies, “I love you too, Nick.”

  What must it be like to be so in love? To completely trust someone with your heart and soul and not worry about when the next painful punch or kick will come. Once upon a time I thought I found that. Now, I know that women like me never find that rare and precious gift. I’m not jaded enough to believe it doesn’t exist, I just know that it doesn’t exist for me.

  After a few more minutes of lovingly gazing into each other’s eyes, the pair leaves their own private world and comes back to reality. Anna turns towards me and explains Nick’s business trips.

  “Nick owns his own construction company and has to go to different sites to oversee the progress. There are times when he’s only gone for a day or two, but others he’s gone for weeks. I would go with him, but my gram needs me here to help run the diner.”

  “You mean the older lady that was here the other night?” I ask her.

  “Yep, that’s my gram.”

  We sit in companionable silence while we finish up our food. Nick gets up and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and tells Anna he’s going to take care of the bill.

  “Wait,” I tell Nick while grabbing for my purse. “I’d like to pay for my portion.”

  I reach in to grab some money but before I can offer it to him he walks off and Anna says, “No, Bailey, it’s on us.” She says softly. I glance at her and she’s giving me sad and understanding eyes.

  My eyes go wide and I protest, “What? No! I can’t let y’all pay for my breakfast.”

  “Oh yes, you can, missy. I invited you here and it was me that ordered a huge meal. Besides, we get the employee discount.” She says, winking at me.

  My eyes start to mist. Anna is such a sweetheart. She must know that I can’t afford to pay for a decent breakfast so she made it to where I couldn’t say no to her offer. There is no way I could pay for everything I’ve eaten today. I believe she specifically invited me so she could pay for my food. I have to blink several times to keep my tears at bay.

  “Thank you,” I whisper to her.

  She doesn’t reply, but reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. If given the chance, I know that we could be wonderful friends. Unfortunately, I won’t be here long enough to let that friendship fully blossom.

  After Nick settles the bill, we make our way out of the diner. I, again, thank Anna and Nick for breakfast and tell them I’ll see them later. Anna confiscates my phone so she can put her number in it and makes me promise to call her later to set up a time to have coffee tomorrow.

  I make my way back to the convenient store where I took my whore’s bath yesterday and proceed to do the same today. Once refreshed and in clean clothes I head back to the library and grab my seat in the back. So I don’t tempt fate and take the chance of being late for work, I set the alarm on my phone, making sure I put it on vibrate. I settle back in my comfortable chair and crack open my book, looking forward to losing myself in the fictional world of love and make believe.

  Chapter Six

  When I walk into the bar ten minutes before five there are more people than there was yesterday when I left at five. Considering it’s Friday I would expect no less. There are several people seated at the bar and a few more at the tables. Three guys are over at the pool tables drinking beer and having a merry ole time ribbing each other about their latest shots.

  I look to the bar and see Mia standing there talking to one of the customers. She acknowledges me with a chin lift and I head in her direction. Lifting the partition, I place my jacket and purse underneath the counter. Turning, I make my way towards Mia as I pull my hair into a ponytail.

  Tonight she’s wearing a black tube top that shows off her small pert breasts. The bottom portion of her top flows loose around her waist. Her jeans are well worn but hug her slim hips. There are several holes in the material. On her feet is a pair of black leather biker boots.

  She looks completely comfortable with her body. Not afraid to show it off but also not flaunting it. She gives off a vibe that says I’m confident in my looks. Unlike me with my loose jeans, green v-neck t-shirt, and sneakers. Plain. Nondescript. Nothing special. These clothes work for me though because they allow me to hide the parts of my physical being that I want no one to notice.

  Mia is still standing in front of the customer, talking when I walk up. The customer notices me first, eyes briefly landing on my scar, and smiles.

  “Well, hello there, gorgeous. Never seen you in these parts before. You new in town?” He asks.

  He’s wearing a gray and blue button up plaid shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows that are resting on the bar. His dark brown hair is shaggy and a touch too long. Although he has kind green eyes, I look to him wearily.

  “Yes, I’ve only been here a few days,” I answer him.

  “Names Mac, and what might you be called?”

  “Bailey.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you, Bailey. You plan on staying in Jaded Hollow long?” He picks up his beer that’s resting on the bar and takes a healthy swig.

  No. It’s too dangerous. I don’t say that though. Too many questions would be asked. Questions that I can’t answer. Instead, I say, “Um...I haven’t quite decided yet.”

  “Well, if you need someone to show you around town then I’m your guy. You just let me know.” He gives me a wink.

  Before I could become too uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation is going Mia steps in and saves the day. “Oh, stop harassing the wait staff, Mac. She doesn’t need or want your flirty ways hounding her.”

  “Hey, I was just being friendly to the new girl in town. No harm in that.” He gives off a wounded look, but his eyes give away his amusement.

  Mia narrows her eyes at Mac and says, “There most definitely will be harm if you run her off, you asshat. But the harm won’t be on her part, it’ll be on yours. You get me?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I got you, Mia. Cool your feathers, would ya. And get m
e another beer woman!” He says this after downing the last of his beer. My eyes become bigger and bigger and dart between the two while they stand there and bicker at each other.

  Mia’s eyes become even smaller slits. I can tell that Mac really enjoys riling her up and is doing it on purpose. Mia props her hands on her tiny waist and cocks a hip.

  “Listen here, dick-face, I may be small but believe me, I can come up with numerous ways to hurt you. Now, be a good little boy and ask nicely for your beer or get the hell out of my bar. And leave the waitresses alone.”

  They glare at each other for several minutes. If looks could kill, they would both be six feet under by now. Without a doubt, there’s animosity between them. I briefly wonder what happened between the two, but I quickly squish the thought. It would be hypocritical of me to want to know about their past when I’m not willing to give none of my own.

  Eventually, it’s Mac that breaks the stare down. He takes his beer bottle and gently pushes it across the bar towards Mia and says, “I would be ever so grateful if you could get me another beer, Miss. Walker.”

  Mia drops her hands and rolls her eyes. Huffing and mumbling, she extracts a bottle of beer from one of the mini fridges, pops the top, and not so gently places it in front of Mac. Foam starts to bubble over the top of the bottle. She picks up a rag and tosses it to Mac and says, “Clean it up yourself.” She then grabs my arm and drags me down to the other end of the bar.

  “Sorry about that. Mac can be a jerk sometimes and it really pushes my buttons. Just ignore him from now on. If he needs anything, I’ll take care of it. ” She says while placing some bottles from a box on the floor onto the counter that’s in front of the mirror.

  To help, I bend down to pick up a bottle from the box and say, “That’s okay, I know all about men being jerks.” Crap! I did not just say that! Please, please don’t let her question my comment.

  I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She’s looking at me with sad eyes and says quietly, “Yeah, I think you do.”

  We continue unloading the few boxes in silence. It’s a comfortable silence. I really like Mia. She seems like a strong woman. A woman that would not take abuse from anyone. She looks like the type that would fight back and say “fuck you” in the face of evil. I wish for all I was worth that I had her backbone. She’s got attitude, but I can also see that she has a sweet side to her as well. It’s a combination that makes a perfect woman. I envy her. I’m weak and broken. What would it be like to be whole and courageous?

  “Hey, ladies. Can I get three shots of Jack and three bottles of Yuengling, please?” We both turn to see a guy leaning on the bar. It’s one of the guys that was playing pool when I first walked in.

  Mia looks at me and says, “You’re up.”

  Although it’s been two years since my waitressing stint and working a bar, it comes back to me quickly. It’s like riding a bicycle for the first time after years of not riding one. I am wobbly at first but find my bearings pretty quickly.

  Several more people come up and place their orders. In no time, I’m whipping up their drinks and handing them off. There are a couple times I have to ask Mia for the recipe for a particular drink. Whoever heard of a drink called Freddy Fudpucker or Bend Over Shirley? I actually cringe a little at the last.

  More and more people come in and I start to relax. So much so that Mia and I actually share a few jokes. The customers are friendly for the most part. A couple guys try hitting on me, but Mia is beside me and stops it before it can even start. She gives them the evil eye and they back off immediately. It’s almost like she knows it could be my undoing.

  The more relaxed I become, the more open and talkative she becomes. Yesterday consisted of her telling me what to do and me doing it. Very little talking needed or offered. Tonight, however, we both feel more comfortable with each other.

  Just then, Jaxon comes out of the hallway and walks over to the counter. His spectacular eyes rake me from head to toe and I shrink a little. He must have noticed my shrinkage because his eyes snap to mine and they carry a small hint of displeasure. Still embarrassed at my breakdown from yesterday I look down at the glass I’m drying.

  “My office now, Bailey.” He then turns and walks back towards the hallway, not looking to see if I’m following him.

  I look over at Mia, who gives me encouraging eyes. It doesn’t help. What does he want? And can I handle being in his office alone with him? The last time I was alone with him didn’t go so well. A small trimmer runs through me. He’s my boss. I can’t openly disobey him. I have no choice but to see what he wants.

  I slowly put down my rag and the glass I am drying. I lift the partition, step through it, and lower it back down gently. My palms are sweating and my heart is racing a mile a minute.

  I walk down the hallway heading for his office feeling like I’m about to meet my doom. I know that I’m being ridiculously dramatic, but I can’t seem to help it. This man affects me in ways that both scare me senseless and excites me to no end. The excitement is what worries me the most. I’m used to being afraid of men and what they can do to a defenseless woman. What I’m not used to is the feeling of safety. That’s what Jaxon makes me feel. Safe. My gut tells me that he would never hurt me. I don’t trust it though. How can I feel that way when I don’t really know him? He’s still a complete stranger to me. Capable of anything.

  His door is closed when I reach the end of the hall. I tentatively knock on the hardwood.

  “Come in, Bailey.” I hear his reply through the thick wood.

  I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and open the door and step through.

  The room is of average size and consists of the ordinary items that an office would have. There are two filing cabinets, a bookshelf that houses a few books and knick-knack type items, and a small couch off to the right. There’s even a potted plant that sits on a small round table in the corner. In the middle of the room is an old, wood captain’s desk, complete with a desktop computer and lamp. Across from it are two dark navy blue chairs.

  Sitting on the edge of the desk is Jaxon, arms crossed, watching me. Today he’s wearing a long sleeve black Henley shirt and his traditional worn jeans, no holes this time, and a pair of black motorcycle boots. Does this man ever wear anything besides black? Apparently not.

  “Shut the door.” He says.

  Oh, no no no. Not likely. The last thing I want is to be closed up tight alone in a room with him. If he thought my freak out was bad yesterday, he hasn’t seen anything yet.

  “I’d rather leave it open,” I mumble and shuffle my feet.

  “Bailey, I’m not going to hurt you. Closing the door is just as much your benefit as it is mine. I’m sure you don’t want what I have to say to be overheard by anyone.” His voice is calm and quiet, like he’s afraid of spooking me.

  “I’d prefer to leave it open. Please,” I whisper, looking down at my shoes. I really don’t want to look into his eyes. His eyes always tend to draw me in and I can’t look away. They really are the most amazing eyes I’ve ever seen.

  “Angel, look at me.”

  I snap my head up at the endearment. No one has ever used an endearment towards me. ‘Pet’ was what Steven called me, but I wouldn’t consider it an endearment. It was fitting because I felt like a caged animal while I was with him. I hated it when he called me ‘Pet.’

  The way Jaxon called me ‘Angel’ though is nice. Really nice. And, of course, I make the mistake of looking into his eyes. Those gorgeous and unique eyes. I’m utterly transfixed. Currently, they are watching me with an intensity that should scare me, but doesn’t. I’m too busy becoming lost in his gaze to feel anything other than wonder.

  “What happened to you?” He asks me in a deep, rumbling voice.

  His question knocks me back to reality. No way can I tell him the truth. I already know that I’m weak and I’m sure he suspects it, too. I don’t want to confirm it for him.

  “I don’t know what you’re
talking about,” I mutter, looking away from him again.

  “Eyes to me, Bailey,” Jaxon says.

  I reluctantly pull my eyes back to him.

  “Don’t give me this shit about nothing happening to you. I know something did. It’s written all over your face.” I suck in a sharp breath at his rude and hurtful comment. I can’t believe he went there.

  He continues as if he’s read my thoughts, he says, “And no, I’m not talking about the scar you try so hard to hide.” He says, pointing at said scar. “I’m talking about the constant fear I see behind your eyes. You’re running from something and I want to know what it is.”

  Well, too bad, buddy boy, I say in my head. Out loud I say, “Please Jaxon, can’t you just leave it alone? It’s my problem and I’m trying to deal with it. I came to this town hoping for some peace.”

  Jaxon stands up from the desk and takes a slow step towards me. I hold my place, trying my hardest not to cower in front of him. Eventually, I need to grow a pair and learn how to stand my ground.

  “Why are you sleeping in your car, Angel?” His voice is soft, like he’s talking to a scared child.

  “How—how do you know about that?” I ask in my tiny voice.

  “Anna called me this afternoon. She said she heard you screaming in your car, that you were asleep in it and that you were dreaming.” His eyes are assessing me, looking to see if I reveal anything.

  Damn, Anna.

  For lack of a good excuse I give him the same truth as I gave Anna.

  “Well, um, I don’t have the cash right now to rent anything. I was hoping to get enough tips soon from this job and find a cheap place to stay. It’s no big deal; I’ll be okay in my car for a few days.”

  He barks out a harsh laugh and I wonder what he finds funny. Certainly he’s not laughing at me because I have to sleep in my car. That would be cruel and unusual. Jaxon doesn’t seem like the type to be intentionally cruel and unusual.

  His laughter dies down and he takes another step towards me. “You’ll be fine sleeping in your car, huh?”